Just a 27 year old trying to change her lifestyle and vowing to purge how she feels instead of food. Paleo and loving it.
Questions? Comments? Concerns?
And, Celucor’s Cinnamon Swirl protein powder is awesome and I cannot wait to make non protein shakes with it.
Had the best weekend. I’m enjoying the fact that I’ve said that two weekends in a row and actually meant it.
Thursday I vegged and vegged and vegged. Friday I slept late and then took the train into town and went and got my eyebrows waxed (HALLELUJAH!). I felt like such a city slick taking the train to beacon hill and walking to the wax place, then going back over to school. School was a joke. We had one class at 1130 where all we did was go over our fake test. I looked up new training plans for the half and running sneakers. Lunch time I invited myself to sit with the girls who made me sad the Friday before and talked and talked and goofed and it felt good to feel like I wasn’t an outlier for once. Then my only true friend at school asked if I wanted to get a drink before class. I legit had a shot of patron and a half a beer between classes and was smashed in class. I brought a sandwich to class and mowed it. I was the light of the party because I’m never a tool like that and everyone thought it was entertaining. I paid enough attention to get everything I needed out of the class. We zipped out on the train and I had to watch my friend’s boyfriend act like an ass on the train and I giggled the whole time. I got home and went to ULTA and dropped a hundred dollars I don’t have on makeup. Then my sister showed up and as awful as parts of her being there was, for the most part, the other bits were amazing.
So Sissy showed up. She comes in and tries on the three small dresses I bought and none of them fit. They’re all too big. So we make a mad dash to target and grab even smaller things, mostly crop tops and leather skirts and lace see through shirts, and then a coat that’s too big but she needs, and we come home and she gets dressed while I shower. I come out feeling huge and uncomfortable and sad and she’s there wondering if she should wear a tank top over her bra under the lace top. Then I go get dressed and my dress, the one I really want to wear, doesn’t fit, you can see the line from my extra skin even under the $50 yummy tummy I bought that’s supposed to take five pounds off. So I peel it off and try on this polka dot dress I love but makes me feel stuffed like a sausage. My sister says I look pretty but I still feel gross. She’s in the bathroom putting on flawless makeup and pulling off super dark lipstick I love. I spray my hair with root boost because my PCOS is making my luscious hair fall out more and more every day and I used to be able to blow dry my hair upside down and have it stand ten feet high and now I need to spray it with a root boost to get it to look slightly voluminous. So I spray my hair and now it looks greasy and I panic cause now we’re running behind and I need to rewash my hair if I start to blow dry it and it actually looks greasy. I start to blow dry and it dries so quickly I realize the blonde in my hair really did kill it. Luckily it wasn’t greasy and it was voluminous and I moved on. I go to put makeup on and my sister has makeup all over my counter and she looks stunning and when I say she does she says, “I don’t even know how I did this,” and keeps going. I try to put on my derma blend because I don’t want the blue of my facial hair to show through and it won’t stay on without looking pilled. She fixes it. I put on more makeup and my sister has to take the brush and do it for me because I’m slightly panicked on the time and nothing seems to be working. When she’s done I move on to mascara and eyeliner while she curls her hair and she goes I have no idea how to curl my hair and yet when she’s done the hair that is down to bum is curled beautifully and I’m drawing on my eye lid like a kindergartener trying to color in the lines. She has to fix it but my hypersensitivity is so bad we have to do it in waves because I can feel every eyelash move and every skin cell as she works and all I keep thinking about is why she has it so easy. She had severe allergies as a kid and their gone now. She was chubby, so chubby as a kid, and she’s skinny and tall and tan. Why?
After I got over my internal meltdown, I put on my big girl panties and we went to my true friends house with her boyfriend and had a glass of champagne and then we loaded ourselves into an Uber and went to the W Hotel for Fall Ball. And holy crap. It was awesome. They were so drunk. Lawyers and lawyers to be get so drunk its awful. My sister and I did not. We did drink as it was open bar and we danced and danced and danced and I talked to some of my other classmates who are actually nice and I like and I dropped it low on the dance floor and I stepped on a piece of glass and everyone told me how amazing I looked and how different I was outside of school and I ate a cupcake and then at midnight we went home and my sister and I went looking for fast food she said she wouldn’t eat and then she ate it all and I didn’t eat anything and we came home and did not sleep all night.
And it was awesome.
Yesterday Sissy left and I, having not slept all night, got to work doing laundry and my second memo for my legal writing class, and then went to babysit on three shots of espresso which made my stomach so acidy and gave me a migraine. The kids were awesome and I got some amazing snuggled from a super smart one year old and then finished my memo with a severe migraine and had to snoop through the parents bathroom for tums and ibuprofen. When I got home I passed out until almost ten this morning and then got up and finished my laundry, cleaned out my fridge, and made pancakes. Since starting law school I haven’t been eating the way I like, paleo or not paleo. I haven’t done much of the things I love since school started, well since May really. So I made pancakes and then I gave myself a pep talk, got dressed and went to Anthropologie and bought a mug and ladle plate and then lululemon and then Costco where I got a shit ton of food and a renewed interest in eating well. I came home and restocked my fridge and cabinets and made a huge smoothie with chia seeds and then went back out to run errands (I got a new blade for my nutribullet!) and then vegged and made chicken thighs for the week lol. I finished laundry and its almost bed time.
And this was a great weekend.
Tomorrow I have school and then after I’m either doing crossfit or running. I’m trying to get out of my crossfit membership but they haven’t emailed me back. As much as I love crossfit I want to do more on my own. I want to run more. I want to do strength training on my own because I just cannot get to CrossFit more than twice a week. They do more things I can’t do and it is really intimidating. I’d rather do it once a week and pay a hundred bucks a month to do that.
Hot damn the day is finally over and I am so tired.
Took .25 mg of xanax and passed out. Got up at 620 and showered just to wake myself up. I was on the train by 715 and at school just before 8. Law school is a game. It’s a three year long competition and people play dirty. I didn’t want to talk to anyone before hand. I didn’t want to be confused or uncomfortable so I legit sat with my noise canceling headphones on and drank a massive coconut milk smoothie, drank coffee, and took my aniracetam. The test started at 910-110 and it was exhausting. I think I did well but it doesn’t test memory it tests application so I have no idea. Right from there I had to zip to my next class and feign knowledge. After that I had to eat. Only healthy things on campus were Greek yogurt peanuts and dark chocolate. I ate all of the above and then went to a review session I walked out of cause I just couldn’t absorb shit.
I’m so tired. I just want to sit and not do anything for the rest of the day but I need to go find Sissy a dress cause she’s coming to a ball with me tomorrow! And then I’m going home and eating and sleeping and sleeping and sleeping and I’m taking the day off from working out. I think.
I joined a new gym!
Last night I came home from school. It was late. I wasn’t interested in the crossfit workout enough to go at 7pm and I just wanted to run. The gym at my apartment is not fun or big and usually packed and I started to feel low. Then my fish died. So I got in the car and drove over to Anytime Fitness, got a tour, and did a quick 30 minute run. Felt so good. It’s super small place but it’s open 24 hours. They have two private showers inside a private bathroom. They’re huge so if I go before school or before an event I can literally get ready in them before leaving. And the people are wicked nice. The female trainer is super sweet and we had an awesome chat when I was signing up. She’s going to do a functional movement test on me and try and figure out why my body keeps breaking down. Anyways, I joined and I’m happy I did. They are staffed from 7 to 7. I think. Definitely till 7. But I can go whenever. If I go outside of staffed hours I go in with my FOP key and wear a button around my neck so if I feel threatened I hit the button and the police come. Also if someone follows me in and they aren’t a member the alarm goes off because their heat signature isn’t registered. How cool is that?!
I went to school today and studied straight from 830 to 315. There’s nothing else to remember. I just need to make sure I remember it tomorrow morning and then I’m getting a drink at 11am. Over it. Anyways, came home and went to the gym. I felt that natural pull to do more like I used to at the old gym when the gym was my only escape. I did a half hour run like on couch to five k. Trying to finish the couch to five k training and bring it right into half marathon training. Then I did another machine for ten minutes and stretched out. Felt so good!
Came home, showered, and ate. I keep reciting the information for tomorrow. I know it. I need to relax and sleep and take a half a xanax and bang out the test tomorrow.